tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8430711571181241202.post6220022669912991298..comments2011-04-30T01:23:04.749-07:00Comments on Ben's Blog: Improv 1, Week 1Benjamin McClainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04075184627449031177noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8430711571181241202.post-69178791571354662712011-01-23T13:14:03.848-08:002011-01-23T13:14:03.848-08:00First, I will be picky. "It's" shoul...First, I will be picky. "It's" should be "its" and "two" if meant is confusing, and otherwise should be "too". I like the ending as a period, following the straightforward simplicity and abruptness of the poem, but the last line is actually being asked. This can easily by reconciled, either by using a question mark (I less prefer that) or by a small change such as "I wonder/ whether mice want [...]". The contrast in the language is great (sun, decay, bones, second chance); I would only suggest to write on, McClain! The longer you improvise, the more imagery you award yourself.Krishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08005428692175060607noreply@blogger.com