tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8430711571181241202.post2477158787679839152..comments2011-04-30T01:23:04.749-07:00Comments on Ben's Blog: Free Write 1, Week 10Benjamin McClainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04075184627449031177noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8430711571181241202.post-61480842977367102552011-04-30T01:23:04.749-07:002011-04-30T01:23:04.749-07:00Ben,
This poem was well written and quite amusing....Ben,<br />This poem was well written and quite amusing. I really liked the word choices throughout the piece, and the sarcastic tone gives it strong character and a good overall feel. Visually the draft doesn't seem to be quite there yet, as some lines are much longer than others giving it an awkward sort of look. With a little more spacing and fixing a few minor grammar issues, I think this piece will be much improved. Nice job.Raymond Millerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13681307897186216034noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8430711571181241202.post-90228672392323357842011-03-27T18:53:32.395-07:002011-03-27T18:53:32.395-07:00Ben,
I enjoy the theme to this poem. It's l...Ben, <br /> I enjoy the theme to this poem. It's like the demonstration presentations I had to do in high school (and again in Public Speaking): first you do this, here's why you do this, etc. The structure itself may benefit from experimentation though. Many of your lines are very long, going all the way to the margin. Others ("to clay", "cigarettes, and "Such is life") are cut extremely short. I don't get the feeling that these break choices are actively helping the piece. And watch your grammar: "malleable", "an unreasonable", "taken seriously", and at the end, "too much...too little."Krishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08005428692175060607noreply@blogger.com